Hong Kong rain rain rain rain

Well this is a brilliant ending to the hols.

It's poured and poured and poured and poured so apart from me going to the History Museum and Mum going to the shops we've done nothing but sleep and eat and eat and sleep. We did go to Mong Kok but didn't stay long because of the rain. Hopefully we can get to Stanley tomorrow but it doesn't look good as we can hardly even see across the harbour to Hong Kong island.

The suite we have in the Nikko Club is amazing and includes the most ridiculous toilet we've ever seen. Heated seat with these extras:

See you all soon.

Florence to Rome

We’re sitting on the plane from Rome to Hong Kong (listening to Matthews Southern Comfort “Woodstock”: Mum has gone shopping) writing this blog which is completely mind blowing - ask Brendon about this song.


Florence was the usual brilliant experience with extra bits! Noticing that there were all sorts of temporary things being erected in piazza della Signora (you know the one where all the 1,500 year old statues are and you’re not allowed to sit on them for some reason). Turned out that the ballet Don Quixote was being held that evening at 9.00. It was absolutely wonderful and we went to bed in a haze: well me normal but Mum alcohol free.

Rome for two nights with a pizza in our favourite restaurant followed by meeting Prue our second favourite athlete. Lovely couple of hours and we got to bed at around 11.30.

I will always remember the last full day we had in Rome! Prue had recommended we go to (vialle/cassa/della/whatever) Borghese so we did.

I suggested to Liz/Mum that we hire a four wheel bike. These bikes are amazing things. They sound like a milk van and everything rattles - hang on: the plane is bumping about like mad and I’m spending all my time correcting mistakes. OK: fine. The one we got was electrically assisted which means you can actually got to a top speed of around 6 kilometres an hour. It has two steering wheels and two lots of pedals. The brake is a metal stick on the steering on the driver’s side … Me…. would you trust anyone else?

We took off from the hire place doing about 2km an hour. Mum/Liz was absolutely terrified and screamed at me to slow down. After about 300 metres and 10 minutes later I decided to go offroad and take the speed up to 4km an hour. By this time mum was nearly crying with fear so I had to stop while a discussion was made about why old cripples, tortoises and 8 year olds were overtaking us on both sides.

We did have a good hour on the tandem thing and saw all the turtles and huge fish in the Lago Borghese along with lots of icecream shops. It was even more interesting because wherever I decided to go Mum was frantically turning her steering wheel all over the shop to go in the direction she wanted rather than the one I was going in, ie if I saw a decent opening on the left Mum would frantically turn the steering wheel to the right so I’d just go along with that plan so as not to cause problems. It was great and I personally had a fabulous time.

I have only now told Mum the following fact which is:

“Your steering wheel was disconnected and didn’t actually work”. … It’s now approximately 12 hours since Mum actually talked to me.

Watched Australia beating Serbia where I had most of the Italians and French watching the Oz game rather than the Germany one because I was making so much noise. Close but no cigar eh?

This morning we find that Rudd is no longer! Not sure about this but with a bit of luck common sense will prevail and Queenslanders will get rid of the Blight woman in the same way: I hae ma doots though!

Four nights in a Nikko Club room in Hong Kong.

Anyone got any suggestions where we should “definitely” go in Hong Kong? We’ve done the usual tourist things and would like to go somewhere different. Aberdeen Harbour or whatever.

Also: would anyone particularly like us to get something in Hong Kong? Ie watches, chess sets, Armani suits, Lamborghini copies, Renoir originals?

Arrived in Hong Kong 2 hours ago and although knackered we're up and about so with luck we won't get the jetlag we had last time.

Bandol to Cannes

After two days of searching I finally found a bike hire shop so while Liz went off to get (another) haircut and looked at the shops (good grief) I hired a velo to see if I could find if L’Enclume (scene of the beginning and end of my rock star fame). I found it…at the end of a 2km ride straight up a hill. Last time I was there in 1971 there wasn’t a house to be seen. Now…. New road and pretty well built out. The club where we played for 6 weeks or so is now a huge shopping centre and car park.

Last complete day in Bandol and after the usual weird meal we decided to go and watch one of the soccer matches at a restaurant on the beach front. Cup of tea would be nice says Liz so down we sat. Surly waiter gave us two good pots of water and two teabags. Cost 8 euros or about 10 dollars so I got up and went inside and asked and received another teabag. Down chased the surly waiter and thumped another bill down for two euros ninety cents. You have to be kidding quoth me screwing up the bill and dumping it on the ground. Really unpleasant manager came down and told me to pay. No chance says mister righteousness; you’re a complete crook mate: right says he “get out of my bar you Ecosse” so we did with me gently telling him “I’M CALLING THE POLICIA MATE: YOU CROOKED GIT”. He didn’t look a happy chappy because he really thought I was going to do that (the French HATE the police). He would have been even less happy when he realised that I was laughing like a drain crossing the road. It probably took him a while to realise that we hadn’t even paid him the 8 euros for the original tea let alone the ruddy teabag. Quelle Prat.
Trying to get out of Bandol to Italy was tough as there was a huge flood from Toulon to Nice and a lot of trains were cancelled. We were told that 32 people died in the flood but surely that has to be an exaggeration? Did it make the international papers? Took us most of the day so we decided to stop at…

Cannes for two nights where we pretended to be famous people which is difficult when you look like two rats in a hat. Stayed at probably the best hotel so far and it only cost 130 euros a night: I think it beat the Roxburghe in Edinburgh which costed 430 quid for two nights but Liz doesn’t agree. Quelle surprise! Cannes is a pretty good wee town and we’d have loved to have stayed longer but….onwards and downwards.

Off to Florence again as we’re running out of time. Two nights in Rome where we’re hoping to take Prue out for a meal.

Bandol

Hah hah: well we're in Bandol and have been for the past 3 days.

Rubbish internet and the place we're staying doesn't even seem to have computers.

Terrific fun getting out of Edinburgh. Found Ryanair which advertised fares to Bologna at 60 euros. THAT WILL DO US. Booked online and that 60 turned into 127 each: ok no worries mite. Turned up at the airport and we were told that even although our names were on the computer we needed an actual printed copy of our booking. Unfortunately being tourists we stupidly hadn't taken our 10 kilo Canon printer with us. Ultimate cost is that we had to pay an extra 40 pounds each on top of our initial payment.... ie it cost us 640 Australian dollars to get from Edinburgh to Italy. DO NOT EVER EVER EVER USE RYNAIR.

RIOMAGGIORE

Hah hah hah hah hah. Beat that anywhere in the world. Alison and Brendon eat your heart out. I swam while Liz went to the shops. I then spent the next 48 hours pouring Savlon on all the wounds caused by the rocks while Mum went to the shops. I kicked cats: Mum stroked the disgusting things. Mum bought presents for the anklebiters: I bought bottles of Cinque Terre wines, whisky, and divers things to dull the pain of the wounds caused by swimming.

ITALY TO FRANCE

and Bologna in Italy to Bandol in France? Easy Peasy; as long as you have approximately 16 hours to spare; low blood pressure and have no problems with not eating.

BANDOL IS BRILLIANT and hasn't changed much. The hotel I managed to find is bang on at the Renecros Plage. It has a fabulous view of the bay and a rubbish room with a view to die for.

Stay tuned

Millport and Glasgow and Edinburgh

In Bologna in an hotel which obviously has a disgruntled housemaid. Room fine and only cost 80 euros. Going into the bathroom there is a pile of the following: 4 toothbrushes with paste, 3 razors, 5 shower caps, 4 vanity packs and the usual 6 pieces of soap and shampoo.

Meal with Gordon and Sheila, Ronald and Kathy at an Italian place in Glasgow which was lots of fun of course: picture of us all having lots of fun.

Millport the following day which was brilliant. I cycled everywhere round the island and charged around rocks while Mum went to visit all the shops in Millport…. After 10 minutes having seen them all she went for coffee and sulk (Mum doesn’t see the attractions of Millport).

Here's a picture of what happened to my lovely jersey when we put our clothes into a laundry in Millport.

With extreme guilt we decided to go back to Edinburgh rather than go to my parents again. With all our luggage and stuff it was just too complicated to get back out there. Guilt slightly assuaged because they probably wouldn’t remember that we’d already been there for 3 days.

Edinburgh was full due to some conferences so we ended up staying in a McDonald Roxburghe which is maybe the most expensive place we have EVER stayed in (including the Versace). It was so exclusive that they charged extra for internet, breakfast and sleeping. It had a swimming pool and sauna though (right in the middle of Edinburgh too) so that was fine.

I went to the Zoo while Mum decided to go to the hospital to see what Scottish ones look like. My zoo took 2 hours but Mum decided to see both hospitals and took 7 hours including blood tests. Naturally she was perfectly fine. I kept telling her that and she could have come to the zoo with me and enjoyed getting freezing and not seeing any animals (because there were all hiding because it was too flaming cold) and getting wet and sore from walking up hills and not seeing any animals (apart from millions of penguins) and trying to keep my nose from falling off with frostbite and finding out there are no elephants or giraffes any more… or reptiles… or an aquarium. There is a great Australis exhibition which was lovely and warm so I stayed there for an hour of the two hours.

Glasgow 3rd June

So where were we?

Oh yes: kicked out of the hotel. We found another good one called Ramada something or other. Right across from the Scot Monument on Princes Street. Both a bit under the weather due to weather but after me buying a refined 9 quid jacket with SCOTLAND SCOTLAND SCOTLAND SCOTLAND plastered all over it I am now as warm as toast and ready to take on the world again (well all the 7 stone poofs in Rose Street anyway).

I walked up to Calton Hill, down to Holyrood palace (closed of course), staggeredup to the top of Arthur's Seat (until I crapped out 50 yards from it anyway: photos to prove it) charged around the new Scottish Parliament and then hobbled back up the Royal Mile to the hotel four hours later completely crippled.

I don't care what you think. That's the hill I staggered up. Right up to the top.... well nearly...

Liz/Mum had a bath and laughed like a drain when I returned.

Out for a slap up meal in a classy restaurant in George Street. Chicken something or other for me and Aged beef with extra things for about 10 quid an extra. Mine was terrific but unfortunately I had to eat it by myself as Liz's wasn't cooked proper and arrived an hour later.

I laughed like a drain when that happened.

We did get the 22 pound 50 for her meal deducted so we only had to pay 78 pounds for my chicken... ok I had a beer as well: so what?

Arriving in Glasgow a bit pensive but the temperature was a quite ridiculous 28 degrees. On the way from the bus to our hotel we passed the Care Home where Dad and Mum are now. Dad was sunbathing out the front. Instant recognition of course and after a while I got quite used to being referred to as Jesus while Liz was known as Froggiehead.

Why is it that we keep getting told that my parents are in a bad way? When we visit them we always discover that they're nothing like it? Grandpa has all his faculties and was making jokes about his bad memory. Grandma is a bit out of it but after the 30th time of being asked where our car was it was no trouble to tell her that it had been smashed up by her husband in the last accident. Grandma held a conversation just as well has her eldest son which considering we're both half deaf is no small feat.

10 past 10 at night and it's still broad daylight. God I'd like to show this to the morons in Queensland who vote against daylight saving. The curtains do fade though and I've noticed quite a few cows with sun tans.

Edinburgh, Scotland, The World, The Universe

Just had a bollocking from Charles about not blogging so with extreme guilt we can continue.

What is it with Monday holidays? They’ve followed us around since we left Greece and personally I’m sick of them. Left Sorbonne and managed to get a metro even although there was a strike. What is it with strikes? They’ve followed us about etc etc etc. Plane was due to leave Charles de Gaul at 4.20 so of course due to the strike it didn’t. Luckily we found out about it literally just before we were due to go through customs into the EasyJet waiting room and we all know what we’d find there. Nothing! No toilets, no food, no shops. Heh heh some rugby supporters who’d been drinking found out the “no toilets” to their cost (you aren’t allowed back once you’re through customs) so the bus to the plane was delayed another 10 minutes while….. You know….
22 degrees in Paris which was cool but Edinburgh? Kerriist…. End of May and it’s about 6 degrees. 28 years since we stayed in Edinburgh for any length of time and Liz goes to Ireland! …well it’s called Stranraer but it’s as close to Ireland you can get without falling into the sea.
While Liz/Mum was in Ireland I caught up on museums. Bus to George Street Museum and walked a mile or so because I got off on the wrong stop. CLOSED FOR RENOVATIONS UNTIL 2011. No worries mate… Chambers Street Museum here I come. 20 minute walk wahey…they seem to have put up barriers for some reason. CLOSED FOR RENOVATIONS UNTIL 2011. This is one of the largest museums in the British Isles by the way.

So I went to the pub at Greyfriars expecting the dog to have been taken away for renovations.

Liz/Mum still in Ireland so I went to Murrayfield for the final IRB sevens tournament. Brilliant…it was actually open. It was freezing in the stand so I did the following: hid under the oven behind the hamburger café.

Here's a picture of what the discerning man about Edinburgh is wearing for headgear these days.

Today it’s been a brilliant sunny day with not a cloud in the sky. It’s about 3 degrees centigrade and I’ve got proof that Scots are mad. I’ve got film of millions of people sunbathing in Princes Street Gardens. Mum went off to buy buses for you lot while I decided to go and find a sauna. Note: even the hot taps are cold.!

So far the score is: 2 white pudding suppers (me), one baked potato and haggis (mum), 2 Indian meals and three black pudding, potato scone, bacon, sausage and egg breakfasts. Not one pizza has been eaten since we arrived in Edinburgh (because they're utterly awful things and bear no relationship to any pizza made anywhere outside a chippie).

We went to Edinburgh castle today and I'm afraid immediately left because of "tat".

Tomorrow we get kicked out of probably the best hotel we’ve stayed in so I’d better try and find somewhere to stay where it's hot.... probably the sahara desert.

Paris day two

It's just great to have Charles and Josien back to show us all the sights we wouldn't normally see! We met up with them around 11.00am and had a small libation round the corner from the hotel in Place de la Sorbonne. Charles decided a kitty was a good idea and should last for a while so we all put in 25 euros which gave us a nifty little 75 euros. First round was 25 euros.

Rodin Museum would be a good place to start off our cultural round said Charles and we can take it from there for the other sights. The usual map rustling and committee meetings, stops, starts, more map rustling, couple of discussions about the paternity (or lack of) of parents and formal interjections coming from Beatrice and around an hour later we got to the Rodin Museum where we saw a big statue of The Thinker.... in the window.... beside the sign in nice big happy letters Musee Ferme sur Lundi.

When we finally managed to find the Seine another hour later Beatrice's idea of getting a "bloody BatoBus from now on" was met with wholehearted approval.. So we did.... and saw the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame and other divers buildings from the comfort of a Batobus. A stop for another wee boisson was called for. "43 Euros for three beers, two wines and a glass of water?" Not one of us had noticed that the bistro was literally round the corner from Notre Dam... damn!

Ended up with an hilarious evening with the six of us scoffing pizzas in the Place de la Sorbonne. Did you know that there are lots of different ways to eat pizza. Some are normal like me and eat them with their fingers; some cut triangles with knives and forks: Liz and Josien. Some eat the outside first and leave the good stuff for last: Ian. Beatrice has an interesting way of just mucking it all around, digging holes in places and generally looking as if she's eating but just making a ruddy mess of it. The most ridiculous way of eating pizza I've ever seen was left to Charles where he cuts off the outside bits and leaves them on the side of the plate (because he calls them crusts) and just eats the middle section. Charles ole chap.... it's ALL crusts mate.

I just bought a new hat and concensus says I look like a prat.

So what's new eh?

Liz and I will be left on our lonesome again for the next two days.

Paris

Walked from Gare de Lyon to the Sorbonne. We're bang outside the Sorbonne in an hotel which has rooms the size of peanuts.

Met up with Beatrice and Ian in the evening and a good time was had by all in a Mexican restaurant. I'm told to tell you Julie and Shawn that your parents are fine and talking away 10 to the dozen.

Here's a picture of Mum and Mum.

The Tortoise and The Hare

This morning in Dijon after a breakfast of Croque Monsieur (cheese toast with ham and mustard to you heathens), as against Croque Madame which includes eggs and possibly saussice (I think it's french for sausage but it could be octopus, snails or ruddy squid) for some reason (does this mean that French think that women eat more than men? There is your anthropological question for the day folks.)

After breakfast we decided to split up. Liz likes going slowly and looking at shops whilst I prefer charging about to see museums and art galleries and pubs and archaeological sites and pubs and divers other things like pubs so I can get in as much culture in as possible.

We re-engaged after about 4 hours and I immediately started whinging about how most of the museums were closed. How I'd managed to find a botanical gardens... closed... three museums... closed... saw a couple of weddings, charged down to the della Republique to see the museum... not really closed but the tour was up a 45 metre tower so it might as well have been closed because, as far as I'm concerned (anything above two metres above ground level is.... closed). I probably walked about 10km and saw buggerall apart from closed buildings and Notre Dam where I was charged 2 euro's to get in by a beggar. This particular beggar turned up 100 metres away at a wc where he was also charging 1 euro to get into the WC..... I have a feeling that either I was screwed or he had a twin brother working the bogs.

Liz on the other hand walked about 300 metres: saw lots of shops, two major museums, was bought lunch by a rich Frenchman, posted three postcards, booked the TGV tickets to Paris and was back in the hotel with a big grin on her face while I was collapsed on the bed completely knackered.

I had the camera because I thought I'd be the one to get the interesting pictures.

Here's an interesting picture of us paying 37 euro's (about 70 dollars) to get our clothes washed and ironed and hung up on wire coathangers (including socks, underpants, bras and pyjamas).


Tomorrow I'm going to sit and sulk and not speak to anyone unless they talk about deja vu.

Nearly forgot: Ian and I are going to talk about size and comparative sizes!

Lake Como and Switzerland

Lake Como 9 euro's from Varenna to Como best deal ever. Boat passed George Clooney's  house... funnniest thing I've seen for a long time. The folk on the boat got so excited... at a house? What am I missing?

Fondue in Lucerne. Temp 7 degrees.

Brrrrrrrrr.... to heck with that for a game of soldiers off to 24 degrees Dijon for a couple of nights.. wahey...then Paris to meet all Liz's cousins.

Off to Varenna on Lake Como

On the way from Venice this morning and not having a clue where we were going we met a couple from San Diego. (Aide memoire: he said he was a reasonably famous playright who we could have heard of: this will be checked out later on and if true I intend boasting about how we met this famous playwright.... etc. etc. ad nauseum). Varenna is a good place they said. So here we are munching on chicken legs and tiramisu after a hard afternoon walking up hills and down dales..... with mum holding on to me like grim death!

Nice as it is; it's extremely refined so probably not the best place for (me at least) to stay for longer than a night. So we'll take a boat to Como and pick up a train to somewhere in Switzerland for the next three days.

This one shows the wonderful birthday present from you mob which I originally thought was unnecessary. It's blooming freezing here at 17 degrees C so thanks daughters.







Oh aye: here's the sossidge rolls.

Athens and Venice

The second but last day in Athens was another good day where we walked around and eventually found ourselves in the New Acropolos Museum where most of the good stuff from the Parthenon is now kept. Must confess that we got really angry again that the Elgin Marbles have still not been given back to where they should be.

As all you jetsetters know some of the time is usually spent doing touristy things like looking at old monuments, old pictures, old buildings and other old things. Most of the time of course is spent eating and drinking local produce and enjoying yourself. I would just like to know that WHY IS IT I’M THE ONE WHO ALWAYS SITS BESIDE PEOPLE EATING OCTOPUS AND OTHER NASTY THINGS? Lunch at the Museum was spent by me being closest to a woman eating a couple of huge tentacles. In the evening I managed to get another one right next to me munching on the body of a massive squid. You Brendon Matthews are going to get one right in the chops as you started all this “covering Iain in sea tentacles“.
Good to get away from Greece though as it really is spoilt by there being far too many sour faced Greeks who obviously hate the world and tourists. Funny that because Crete was completely different (apart from that horrible travel agent woman).

It’s nice to be back in Italy where the people are always smiling and happy and talking….. Oh boy do they ever talk.



VENICE
Venice is a city a lot smaller than Athens….it has lots of water….everywhere….Wherever you go you see one of the most popular tourist attractions which is pigeon feeding. We were standing in front of a large building in San Marco called Dog Palace (Italians like animals) and were surrounded by heaps of people completely ignoring the monuments and taking lots of pictures of flying rats. Odd!
This morning we had the first breakfast in our hotel Palazzo Bembi. Yum yum said I looking forward to our first savoury breakfast for days…STOP PRESS: don’t eat Venetians sausage rolls folks…. They’re full of chocolate. They hotel is excellent and is right beside the Rialto Bridge (Rialto obviously means graffitti) with a view of the Canal Grande and the bridge.
Here’s a picture of a sausage roll

The striped one on the left isn’t a sausage roll…. It's a minced beefburger!



The place we’re staying in is the first pink building on the right at the very top on the left hand side. You have to be fit to stay in these hotels as the floors are at an angle of something like 10 degrees. Getting out of bed in the morning is like a mountaineering expedition without the crampons.
Tomorrow we’re leaving Venice and going somewhere else but not sure where. We’ve got 4 days before we meet up with Liz’s cousins Beatrice and Charles in Paris and she’s really quite excited about that for some reason! We may go there via Switzerland or by France (leave it to me and we‘d get there via Finland). A lot of time in Paris will be taken with all the cousin’s nattering on about “old times” (or “old old old old old times” as you lot think of them). The husbands (Ian and Iain) will probably go to a pub so we can compare the size of each others noses and talk about Impressionist art (or carburettors)! (If you’re reading this Ian then I should win on number of kinks and broken bits).
Here’s the latest picture of Mum/Liz’s interesting bits.

Steph: I have now used yourexpensive face moisturiser present for the second time this month…it doesn’t work….my skin still looks like a Jayden or Jacob used nappy.

Are we going out for a pizza tonight?
You bet your bottom we are!

Better and Better

Yesterday was a bust because I was in agony with a sore big toe! Had to change hotels because they thought that Mum/Liz was probably a hooligan with the two black eyes and gammy leg..

I’d carefully checked the best places to go for a meal in Greece. Downloaded all sorts of crap and printed it out. …GO TO THE VYZANTINO RESTAURANT said the recommendation. We sauntered up the Adrianou anjd came to the recommended street. Mum can’t see very well for some reason so it was up to me. “Canny see the Vyzantino but it says it’s opposite a place which sells the Glasgow Herald so this must be the place. We stayed and had a meal...not bad, not brilliant and the meatballs were a bit crappy. Left a tip of 2 euros which is around 3 dollars….. Walked along the road about 100 metres which said VYZANTINO RESTAURANT in big letters which even Stephanie couldn’t ignore.

We’re going there tonight as long as I can work out the direction from that expensive Fur place which mum hates.

Because of mum’s injuries and weakness we didn’t actually expect to go to the Acropolis (hill) or the Parthenon because divers people said it was hard work with lots of steps.

You would not believe the people we've met who said it was really tough and you have to be really fit to get there (most of them have only 2 stitches: what a lot of pathetic wimps).

What a load of crap. We did it in about 20 minutes from bottom to top. Liz/mum now thinks she’s as fit as Danny and is now preparing for a tilt at Everest. Remember the comeback you did at the Queensland Nationals Danny? Mum beat you hands down! She walked up the Acropolis 5 days after being attacked by Santorini goblins.

The big question is:

HOW COME WE WERE ONLY GOING TO STAY FOR ONE NIGHT IN ATHENS (because everyone said it was crap) AND HAVE ENDED UP STAYING FOR 6 NIGHTS? It’s actually a good city as long as you stay in “The Plaka” and spend lots of dosh buying genuine Athenian shields.
Off for another meal and hopefully we’ll get to the restaurant rather than another museum! I'm looking for a T-shirt which was recommended to me. It had something to do with Oedipus but was all in Greek.....( those who have been to Greece will have no problems with that).

Another meals beckons.

Well that was fun!!

Here’s the catch up.

Remember when I previously said that Liz was being looked after at Santorini Hospital? I lied. It is easily the worst experience we’ve ever had - yes even worse than “that one!” Third world country hospitals would be as bad. The team who put the stitches in were good but after that it was downhill all the way. The first nurse who put the drips in was young but reasonably nice…. Unfortunately that doesn’t hold it when the drip made a bit of a mess of mum’s arm… so she tried another place…. Hour later just as bad and out it came again with more blood.
Got a different nurse the next time and this was the nurse from hell. She has to be the most disgusting individual I’ve ever met (even worse than rugby league players). She put a third drip into Liz’s hand this time and obviously wasn’t happy about it. An hour later it came out so off I went to find her. Had to interrupt her nattering to one of the paramedics and she shouted at me and waved her hands about obviously angry. Going into the room and seeing blood all over the covers from her drip she literally ripped the elastoplast off mum’s hand, screwed it up into a ball and threw it onto the ground. She then disconnected the bottle and stormed off. She spent the rest of the 6 hours we were there outside smoking and chatting up the male paramedics. I really really hope she dies of a horrible painful disease. All in all we were in the hospital from 10.00pm until 3.00 the following afternoon: obviously with little sleep.
Managed to get a flight to Athens and got to an excellent private hospital where the staff were great. I still don’t believe the speed the taxi driver went along the motorway from the airport: he got past 180km an hour (I kid you not) and was waving his arms about talking away to us and showing the sights of Athens…..Mum got a CT scan eventually and we found out about 10.00pm that she didn’t have a fractured skull. Waited another hour for the opthamologist who gave the all clear for her sight and we were in the Plaka Hotel by 11.00pm.
This morning she looks heaps better although along with the 14 stitches she has a closed left eye with the other one started to go. She’ll be saving on make-up over the next couple of weeks.
Today we did nothing but sleep and we are going up to the roof terrace of the hotel later on. We’ve decided to stay in Athens for the next day as Mum is still obviously a bit weak. It may not be in the Plaka Hotel as they are fully booked but they have a sister hotel called Hotel Hermes which we’re booked into. The room we have in the Hotel Plaka is brilliant and we have a view directly up the Acropolis to the Parthenon.
Here's a picture of us in Oia around half an hour before the accident when we didn't have a care in the world.

Here’s a picture of Mum enjoying her not being able to see me.

I promise you that you don't want to see the photo's taken in the hospital immediately afterwards. Stuff from a horror fillum.

Thanks for all the phone calls and best wishes: your 236 phone calls in 3 hours Suzanne have to be a record. Mum is still talking about the talk with Owen and Jakey “better grandma” multiplied by forty-one times
The Australian SOS people (Insurance and medical) have been brilliant and have phoned at least half a dozen times. Mum has talked to an Australian doctor who was very concerned and gave some good advice.
I know you’d all be a bit concerned that your old Dad is slightly deaf (hah hah) and unable to look after Mum but I’ve managed to muddle through and order food and wine without problems. Mum has been quite amazing and I take back all the things I said about her being a complaining old git. She didn’t cry once and I will never again complain about her low pain threshold or hypochondria (well not a lot anyway).
All fine now so you can stop worrying.

Just back from a meal where I chatted up a female in a burkha. Mum can't see so all was well because she thought I was chatting up her mother.

All future epistles will be cheery happy ones.

Don't Panic

Don't panic but Mum/Liz has managed to get herself in hospital with 14 stitches.

We're in Santorini and mum is in good hands.

Phone 0421 648 222 because I can't get the calls to work from here.

Walking back from the chairlift at 10.;00pm she fell over a boulder and hit her head on the wall.

Back later

Santorini

Ho hum. Set off from Heraklion at 9.45. (Note to Alan and Eileen: get rid of that horrible unsmiling travel agent woman: she gave us possibly the worst tickets you can get; right in the middle in the middle of the boat. We watched folk buying tickets at the door and getting window seats. Good trip though and we watched lots of people sleeping and talking in Greek on  their mobile phones.... all 2 ruddy hours of it.

I want to know why I get the passengers from hell. Rome to Athens I had an ADD kid in the next seat. Athens to Crete i got a person who didn't stop talking to her neighbour. Heraklion to Santorini I got a guy beside me who was conducting a probably travel agency business: in the two hour trip he must have talked on his mobile around 30 times, bounced about getting his computer out, talked to his agency at the top of his voice (because he was obviously trying to make them hear 200km away without a phone) and usually leaning forward and putting his arm over my seat. I was going to bop him on the nose but Liz did it first.

STEPS
Don't go to Santorini if you don't like steps... or donkeys... or cable cars... or people.

NOTE TO ALISON
We're staying at a place called Porto Fira Suites. Remember the cave accommodation you stayed in 5 years ago? That's now the changing room at Porto Fira Suites... heh heh.

NOTE TO DANNY AND SUZANNE
This is a rotten place for a boat as you have to get a donkey or cable car down to the place you last kept it. The smell of donkeys is ripe and if you leave the boat in the same place for too long it will turn into a tourist resort mainly because I've noticed people taking photo's of anything that moves.... Honestly: this bloke pushed me out of the way because he saw a wee lizard and wanted to take a photo.

NOTE TO STEPHANIE
All (and I mean all) the people in Greece are fat. I'm not talking about normal fat; I'm talking about faaaaaaaaaaaaaat where a 24 year old male has his stomach falling down to his knees. Most of the beautiful woman in Greece look as if they are pregnant (which is probably a good thing because a pregnant woman would look exactly like a normal Grecian). You think I'm joking?

It's not all easy though. We're off for a meal (at quarter to eight at night) and we're going to have to climb at least 2 thousand steps to get to a place which serves food. Brilliant idea isn't it. We'll be back after a 3 thousand calorie meal and will have lost at least 2 kilos.

Off to lose weight!!

This is a picture of Liz having an awful time in Santorini.

Wait for the next one where we take a 6 hour tour on a boat where Liz is goingto be seasick.

Saturday, 8th May

Crete

After our eventful last couple of days we are in hay.

Second day here and it’s been utterly marvellous.

Alan and Eileen met us off the plane at Chania Airport at 11.20pm. Drive to their house takes about 40 minutes from the airport. Sitting out on the balcony with the most wonderful view Alan says something I haven’t heard for a long time. 12.23am: would you like a wee dram? Nah: course not!!

To a restaurant in a wee place called ????? Dunno: all Greek to me where they all ate calamari, Liz ate sardines, and I was sick all over the cheesy things (just joking: I put up a wall of olive oil and vinegar jars so I couldn’t see the stuff. Four hours later we were in another restaurant in Almarita to celebrate my birthday. Greek dish beans and tomatoes for me with Liz devouring mousaka. The local red wine tastes like sherry so Alan drank it all.
Today we drove over to Palsomethingorother on the other side of Crete. Great trip taking about an hour. Passed through Floria and Kandalos which were the towns of a German atrocity during the last war when the Waffen SS (I think) murdered every villager in both towns because the Greek resistance had killed a couple of Nazi officers. Saw the caves where the resistance hid.

Another lunchtime meal with Alan sitting right in front of me eating some kind of deep fried fish (called rather unadventurously “small fish” they also have a dish called Great Beans!) whole…. disgusting Perthian git. I had a swim in the Libyan Sea (ruddy cold) while Liz and Eileen went shopping.

At the moment Alan is cooking some kind of interesting meal while the rest of us sit outside listening to the birds and not feeling guilty.

Having just broken an expensive Tuscan ornament in our room I have decided to agree with everyone in any argument started by Alan and become an Etruscan nun. Alan is cooking tonight’s meal so I’ll be watching very carefully for any foreign chemical objects on my plate.

Thursday, 6th May 2010 Athens

Well that was fun
Up at the crack of dawn. Breakfast at The Hilton which was cold and absolutely rubbish. First to arrive at Rome airport in the hope that there was a place on the morning flight.
The riots have stopped because of the three deaths of bank personnel caused by a fire started by a rioter.

Unbelievable screw-ups. We were at check-in 285 as listed on the board… unfortunately they were checking folk in at 175... first in line there as well.

Told there were seats and to go to the ticket office. They said there were no seats. Back to check-in, where they said there were…. and back to ticket office where the ticket girl started to cry (this could have been caused by my slightly hysterical raised voice). The supervisor phoned and said to go to check-in immediately as there were seats. We did. The check-in girl put the suitcases on the conveyor belt and gave us boarding passes for…… the evening 9 o’clock flight. She then told us there were no seats left. Liz started to cry.

Back to ticket office. Girl phoned again and told us to go back immediately. This time got the check-in supervisor. Boarding passes given and we finally got on the plane one hour late. We were first in line in the morning and last on the plane. Plane took off with at least 10 empty seats that we could see!

Pleasant 1 hour 45 minute flight. Greece is an hour ahead of Italy for those few who are interested.

Down to collect our bags. Waited until the conveyor belt stopped half an hour later and we were the last folk there.

Aaargh…..

I started to cry!!!!

Bugger Athens. We’ve managed to get on a night flight straight to Crete sans suitcases arriving at 11.00pm. Eileen and Alan will met us at Chania tonight.

We’re sitting in The Sofitel Artemis Bar at this moment (5.00pm). Liz has bought some lipstick and toothpaste as everything else is residing .…..probably …. in Norway which was the flight being checked in at the same time as us.

I’ve got a theory that all these so-called ruins aren’t actually ruins. They were built like that right from the beginning. Edinburgh’s Disgrace isn’t unfinished at all: it’s a direct copy of the finished Acropolis as it was supposed to be… and the Greeks have been laughing at the world ever since.

At the moment sitting in The Olive Tree at Athens airport. Fabulous view of the hills and watching aircraft taking off every two minutes or so. Had our first Greek meal of meatballs for me and salmon for Liz (mummy).

Quelle twerp

With absolute brilliance we managed to arrive at the airport this morning only to find that Greece is on strike.

Here at the Rome Airport Hilton we are bored out of our skulls.

Probably won't get a flight tomorrow morning and will have to wait until 9.00 at night for the next one.

Will stay at Athens airport hotel then onward to Crete.

Rats

Roma

Rome is a large city in Italy a very long way from Brisbane. The people here speak foreign. They also don't spell it proper.

They have ridiculously small spiders

So far we've had one pizza, one spaghetti and one minestrone soup. Today we had spag, minestrone, a beer and a coffee. That cost 25 oro. Yesterday we had the pizza, a coffee and a half litre of house wine. That costed 55 ora.

At this rate we'll run out of euro's by next Friday.

We are now (at 16.24) going to have a bottle of 6 oro wine.

Tomorrow Liz will be eating octopus in Athens.

I will be in Belgium!

Hong Kong

Nine hours later and here we are. Just had a burger king (hungry jacks) and now feel sick.

That one is at Brisbane airport. Decided not to post the ones here as we look knackered.

Off - sort of

In an hour we're off to the airport. Slight worry about the managers as the brekies were a disaster: probably due more to my being rubbish at delegating these days.

27 hours of flying: yip bluddy ee.

Golf

Today golf was played (reputedly) by me, Geoff and his sister Collis.

Thank god I won't have to play it for another 2 months at least.

Liz went shopping!!!

Surprise visit from Jayden and Abi: Alison was dragged along also.

Before the storm

Today we woke up, did nothing and then had breakfast. We were attacked by two small sprogs and two larger versions of them.

Yesterday exactly the same thing happened.

We'll spend the rest of the day recovering.

Tomorrow will be different.