Paris day two

It's just great to have Charles and Josien back to show us all the sights we wouldn't normally see! We met up with them around 11.00am and had a small libation round the corner from the hotel in Place de la Sorbonne. Charles decided a kitty was a good idea and should last for a while so we all put in 25 euros which gave us a nifty little 75 euros. First round was 25 euros.

Rodin Museum would be a good place to start off our cultural round said Charles and we can take it from there for the other sights. The usual map rustling and committee meetings, stops, starts, more map rustling, couple of discussions about the paternity (or lack of) of parents and formal interjections coming from Beatrice and around an hour later we got to the Rodin Museum where we saw a big statue of The Thinker.... in the window.... beside the sign in nice big happy letters Musee Ferme sur Lundi.

When we finally managed to find the Seine another hour later Beatrice's idea of getting a "bloody BatoBus from now on" was met with wholehearted approval.. So we did.... and saw the Eiffel Tower, Notre Dame and other divers buildings from the comfort of a Batobus. A stop for another wee boisson was called for. "43 Euros for three beers, two wines and a glass of water?" Not one of us had noticed that the bistro was literally round the corner from Notre Dam... damn!

Ended up with an hilarious evening with the six of us scoffing pizzas in the Place de la Sorbonne. Did you know that there are lots of different ways to eat pizza. Some are normal like me and eat them with their fingers; some cut triangles with knives and forks: Liz and Josien. Some eat the outside first and leave the good stuff for last: Ian. Beatrice has an interesting way of just mucking it all around, digging holes in places and generally looking as if she's eating but just making a ruddy mess of it. The most ridiculous way of eating pizza I've ever seen was left to Charles where he cuts off the outside bits and leaves them on the side of the plate (because he calls them crusts) and just eats the middle section. Charles ole chap.... it's ALL crusts mate.

I just bought a new hat and concensus says I look like a prat.

So what's new eh?

Liz and I will be left on our lonesome again for the next two days.

Paris

Walked from Gare de Lyon to the Sorbonne. We're bang outside the Sorbonne in an hotel which has rooms the size of peanuts.

Met up with Beatrice and Ian in the evening and a good time was had by all in a Mexican restaurant. I'm told to tell you Julie and Shawn that your parents are fine and talking away 10 to the dozen.

Here's a picture of Mum and Mum.

The Tortoise and The Hare

This morning in Dijon after a breakfast of Croque Monsieur (cheese toast with ham and mustard to you heathens), as against Croque Madame which includes eggs and possibly saussice (I think it's french for sausage but it could be octopus, snails or ruddy squid) for some reason (does this mean that French think that women eat more than men? There is your anthropological question for the day folks.)

After breakfast we decided to split up. Liz likes going slowly and looking at shops whilst I prefer charging about to see museums and art galleries and pubs and archaeological sites and pubs and divers other things like pubs so I can get in as much culture in as possible.

We re-engaged after about 4 hours and I immediately started whinging about how most of the museums were closed. How I'd managed to find a botanical gardens... closed... three museums... closed... saw a couple of weddings, charged down to the della Republique to see the museum... not really closed but the tour was up a 45 metre tower so it might as well have been closed because, as far as I'm concerned (anything above two metres above ground level is.... closed). I probably walked about 10km and saw buggerall apart from closed buildings and Notre Dam where I was charged 2 euro's to get in by a beggar. This particular beggar turned up 100 metres away at a wc where he was also charging 1 euro to get into the WC..... I have a feeling that either I was screwed or he had a twin brother working the bogs.

Liz on the other hand walked about 300 metres: saw lots of shops, two major museums, was bought lunch by a rich Frenchman, posted three postcards, booked the TGV tickets to Paris and was back in the hotel with a big grin on her face while I was collapsed on the bed completely knackered.

I had the camera because I thought I'd be the one to get the interesting pictures.

Here's an interesting picture of us paying 37 euro's (about 70 dollars) to get our clothes washed and ironed and hung up on wire coathangers (including socks, underpants, bras and pyjamas).


Tomorrow I'm going to sit and sulk and not speak to anyone unless they talk about deja vu.

Nearly forgot: Ian and I are going to talk about size and comparative sizes!

Lake Como and Switzerland

Lake Como 9 euro's from Varenna to Como best deal ever. Boat passed George Clooney's  house... funnniest thing I've seen for a long time. The folk on the boat got so excited... at a house? What am I missing?

Fondue in Lucerne. Temp 7 degrees.

Brrrrrrrrr.... to heck with that for a game of soldiers off to 24 degrees Dijon for a couple of nights.. wahey...then Paris to meet all Liz's cousins.

Off to Varenna on Lake Como

On the way from Venice this morning and not having a clue where we were going we met a couple from San Diego. (Aide memoire: he said he was a reasonably famous playright who we could have heard of: this will be checked out later on and if true I intend boasting about how we met this famous playwright.... etc. etc. ad nauseum). Varenna is a good place they said. So here we are munching on chicken legs and tiramisu after a hard afternoon walking up hills and down dales..... with mum holding on to me like grim death!

Nice as it is; it's extremely refined so probably not the best place for (me at least) to stay for longer than a night. So we'll take a boat to Como and pick up a train to somewhere in Switzerland for the next three days.

This one shows the wonderful birthday present from you mob which I originally thought was unnecessary. It's blooming freezing here at 17 degrees C so thanks daughters.







Oh aye: here's the sossidge rolls.

Athens and Venice

The second but last day in Athens was another good day where we walked around and eventually found ourselves in the New Acropolos Museum where most of the good stuff from the Parthenon is now kept. Must confess that we got really angry again that the Elgin Marbles have still not been given back to where they should be.

As all you jetsetters know some of the time is usually spent doing touristy things like looking at old monuments, old pictures, old buildings and other old things. Most of the time of course is spent eating and drinking local produce and enjoying yourself. I would just like to know that WHY IS IT I’M THE ONE WHO ALWAYS SITS BESIDE PEOPLE EATING OCTOPUS AND OTHER NASTY THINGS? Lunch at the Museum was spent by me being closest to a woman eating a couple of huge tentacles. In the evening I managed to get another one right next to me munching on the body of a massive squid. You Brendon Matthews are going to get one right in the chops as you started all this “covering Iain in sea tentacles“.
Good to get away from Greece though as it really is spoilt by there being far too many sour faced Greeks who obviously hate the world and tourists. Funny that because Crete was completely different (apart from that horrible travel agent woman).

It’s nice to be back in Italy where the people are always smiling and happy and talking….. Oh boy do they ever talk.



VENICE
Venice is a city a lot smaller than Athens….it has lots of water….everywhere….Wherever you go you see one of the most popular tourist attractions which is pigeon feeding. We were standing in front of a large building in San Marco called Dog Palace (Italians like animals) and were surrounded by heaps of people completely ignoring the monuments and taking lots of pictures of flying rats. Odd!
This morning we had the first breakfast in our hotel Palazzo Bembi. Yum yum said I looking forward to our first savoury breakfast for days…STOP PRESS: don’t eat Venetians sausage rolls folks…. They’re full of chocolate. They hotel is excellent and is right beside the Rialto Bridge (Rialto obviously means graffitti) with a view of the Canal Grande and the bridge.
Here’s a picture of a sausage roll

The striped one on the left isn’t a sausage roll…. It's a minced beefburger!



The place we’re staying in is the first pink building on the right at the very top on the left hand side. You have to be fit to stay in these hotels as the floors are at an angle of something like 10 degrees. Getting out of bed in the morning is like a mountaineering expedition without the crampons.
Tomorrow we’re leaving Venice and going somewhere else but not sure where. We’ve got 4 days before we meet up with Liz’s cousins Beatrice and Charles in Paris and she’s really quite excited about that for some reason! We may go there via Switzerland or by France (leave it to me and we‘d get there via Finland). A lot of time in Paris will be taken with all the cousin’s nattering on about “old times” (or “old old old old old times” as you lot think of them). The husbands (Ian and Iain) will probably go to a pub so we can compare the size of each others noses and talk about Impressionist art (or carburettors)! (If you’re reading this Ian then I should win on number of kinks and broken bits).
Here’s the latest picture of Mum/Liz’s interesting bits.

Steph: I have now used yourexpensive face moisturiser present for the second time this month…it doesn’t work….my skin still looks like a Jayden or Jacob used nappy.

Are we going out for a pizza tonight?
You bet your bottom we are!

Better and Better

Yesterday was a bust because I was in agony with a sore big toe! Had to change hotels because they thought that Mum/Liz was probably a hooligan with the two black eyes and gammy leg..

I’d carefully checked the best places to go for a meal in Greece. Downloaded all sorts of crap and printed it out. …GO TO THE VYZANTINO RESTAURANT said the recommendation. We sauntered up the Adrianou anjd came to the recommended street. Mum can’t see very well for some reason so it was up to me. “Canny see the Vyzantino but it says it’s opposite a place which sells the Glasgow Herald so this must be the place. We stayed and had a meal...not bad, not brilliant and the meatballs were a bit crappy. Left a tip of 2 euros which is around 3 dollars….. Walked along the road about 100 metres which said VYZANTINO RESTAURANT in big letters which even Stephanie couldn’t ignore.

We’re going there tonight as long as I can work out the direction from that expensive Fur place which mum hates.

Because of mum’s injuries and weakness we didn’t actually expect to go to the Acropolis (hill) or the Parthenon because divers people said it was hard work with lots of steps.

You would not believe the people we've met who said it was really tough and you have to be really fit to get there (most of them have only 2 stitches: what a lot of pathetic wimps).

What a load of crap. We did it in about 20 minutes from bottom to top. Liz/mum now thinks she’s as fit as Danny and is now preparing for a tilt at Everest. Remember the comeback you did at the Queensland Nationals Danny? Mum beat you hands down! She walked up the Acropolis 5 days after being attacked by Santorini goblins.

The big question is:

HOW COME WE WERE ONLY GOING TO STAY FOR ONE NIGHT IN ATHENS (because everyone said it was crap) AND HAVE ENDED UP STAYING FOR 6 NIGHTS? It’s actually a good city as long as you stay in “The Plaka” and spend lots of dosh buying genuine Athenian shields.
Off for another meal and hopefully we’ll get to the restaurant rather than another museum! I'm looking for a T-shirt which was recommended to me. It had something to do with Oedipus but was all in Greek.....( those who have been to Greece will have no problems with that).

Another meals beckons.

Well that was fun!!

Here’s the catch up.

Remember when I previously said that Liz was being looked after at Santorini Hospital? I lied. It is easily the worst experience we’ve ever had - yes even worse than “that one!” Third world country hospitals would be as bad. The team who put the stitches in were good but after that it was downhill all the way. The first nurse who put the drips in was young but reasonably nice…. Unfortunately that doesn’t hold it when the drip made a bit of a mess of mum’s arm… so she tried another place…. Hour later just as bad and out it came again with more blood.
Got a different nurse the next time and this was the nurse from hell. She has to be the most disgusting individual I’ve ever met (even worse than rugby league players). She put a third drip into Liz’s hand this time and obviously wasn’t happy about it. An hour later it came out so off I went to find her. Had to interrupt her nattering to one of the paramedics and she shouted at me and waved her hands about obviously angry. Going into the room and seeing blood all over the covers from her drip she literally ripped the elastoplast off mum’s hand, screwed it up into a ball and threw it onto the ground. She then disconnected the bottle and stormed off. She spent the rest of the 6 hours we were there outside smoking and chatting up the male paramedics. I really really hope she dies of a horrible painful disease. All in all we were in the hospital from 10.00pm until 3.00 the following afternoon: obviously with little sleep.
Managed to get a flight to Athens and got to an excellent private hospital where the staff were great. I still don’t believe the speed the taxi driver went along the motorway from the airport: he got past 180km an hour (I kid you not) and was waving his arms about talking away to us and showing the sights of Athens…..Mum got a CT scan eventually and we found out about 10.00pm that she didn’t have a fractured skull. Waited another hour for the opthamologist who gave the all clear for her sight and we were in the Plaka Hotel by 11.00pm.
This morning she looks heaps better although along with the 14 stitches she has a closed left eye with the other one started to go. She’ll be saving on make-up over the next couple of weeks.
Today we did nothing but sleep and we are going up to the roof terrace of the hotel later on. We’ve decided to stay in Athens for the next day as Mum is still obviously a bit weak. It may not be in the Plaka Hotel as they are fully booked but they have a sister hotel called Hotel Hermes which we’re booked into. The room we have in the Hotel Plaka is brilliant and we have a view directly up the Acropolis to the Parthenon.
Here's a picture of us in Oia around half an hour before the accident when we didn't have a care in the world.

Here’s a picture of Mum enjoying her not being able to see me.

I promise you that you don't want to see the photo's taken in the hospital immediately afterwards. Stuff from a horror fillum.

Thanks for all the phone calls and best wishes: your 236 phone calls in 3 hours Suzanne have to be a record. Mum is still talking about the talk with Owen and Jakey “better grandma” multiplied by forty-one times
The Australian SOS people (Insurance and medical) have been brilliant and have phoned at least half a dozen times. Mum has talked to an Australian doctor who was very concerned and gave some good advice.
I know you’d all be a bit concerned that your old Dad is slightly deaf (hah hah) and unable to look after Mum but I’ve managed to muddle through and order food and wine without problems. Mum has been quite amazing and I take back all the things I said about her being a complaining old git. She didn’t cry once and I will never again complain about her low pain threshold or hypochondria (well not a lot anyway).
All fine now so you can stop worrying.

Just back from a meal where I chatted up a female in a burkha. Mum can't see so all was well because she thought I was chatting up her mother.

All future epistles will be cheery happy ones.

Don't Panic

Don't panic but Mum/Liz has managed to get herself in hospital with 14 stitches.

We're in Santorini and mum is in good hands.

Phone 0421 648 222 because I can't get the calls to work from here.

Walking back from the chairlift at 10.;00pm she fell over a boulder and hit her head on the wall.

Back later

Santorini

Ho hum. Set off from Heraklion at 9.45. (Note to Alan and Eileen: get rid of that horrible unsmiling travel agent woman: she gave us possibly the worst tickets you can get; right in the middle in the middle of the boat. We watched folk buying tickets at the door and getting window seats. Good trip though and we watched lots of people sleeping and talking in Greek on  their mobile phones.... all 2 ruddy hours of it.

I want to know why I get the passengers from hell. Rome to Athens I had an ADD kid in the next seat. Athens to Crete i got a person who didn't stop talking to her neighbour. Heraklion to Santorini I got a guy beside me who was conducting a probably travel agency business: in the two hour trip he must have talked on his mobile around 30 times, bounced about getting his computer out, talked to his agency at the top of his voice (because he was obviously trying to make them hear 200km away without a phone) and usually leaning forward and putting his arm over my seat. I was going to bop him on the nose but Liz did it first.

STEPS
Don't go to Santorini if you don't like steps... or donkeys... or cable cars... or people.

NOTE TO ALISON
We're staying at a place called Porto Fira Suites. Remember the cave accommodation you stayed in 5 years ago? That's now the changing room at Porto Fira Suites... heh heh.

NOTE TO DANNY AND SUZANNE
This is a rotten place for a boat as you have to get a donkey or cable car down to the place you last kept it. The smell of donkeys is ripe and if you leave the boat in the same place for too long it will turn into a tourist resort mainly because I've noticed people taking photo's of anything that moves.... Honestly: this bloke pushed me out of the way because he saw a wee lizard and wanted to take a photo.

NOTE TO STEPHANIE
All (and I mean all) the people in Greece are fat. I'm not talking about normal fat; I'm talking about faaaaaaaaaaaaaat where a 24 year old male has his stomach falling down to his knees. Most of the beautiful woman in Greece look as if they are pregnant (which is probably a good thing because a pregnant woman would look exactly like a normal Grecian). You think I'm joking?

It's not all easy though. We're off for a meal (at quarter to eight at night) and we're going to have to climb at least 2 thousand steps to get to a place which serves food. Brilliant idea isn't it. We'll be back after a 3 thousand calorie meal and will have lost at least 2 kilos.

Off to lose weight!!

This is a picture of Liz having an awful time in Santorini.

Wait for the next one where we take a 6 hour tour on a boat where Liz is goingto be seasick.

Saturday, 8th May

Crete

After our eventful last couple of days we are in hay.

Second day here and it’s been utterly marvellous.

Alan and Eileen met us off the plane at Chania Airport at 11.20pm. Drive to their house takes about 40 minutes from the airport. Sitting out on the balcony with the most wonderful view Alan says something I haven’t heard for a long time. 12.23am: would you like a wee dram? Nah: course not!!

To a restaurant in a wee place called ????? Dunno: all Greek to me where they all ate calamari, Liz ate sardines, and I was sick all over the cheesy things (just joking: I put up a wall of olive oil and vinegar jars so I couldn’t see the stuff. Four hours later we were in another restaurant in Almarita to celebrate my birthday. Greek dish beans and tomatoes for me with Liz devouring mousaka. The local red wine tastes like sherry so Alan drank it all.
Today we drove over to Palsomethingorother on the other side of Crete. Great trip taking about an hour. Passed through Floria and Kandalos which were the towns of a German atrocity during the last war when the Waffen SS (I think) murdered every villager in both towns because the Greek resistance had killed a couple of Nazi officers. Saw the caves where the resistance hid.

Another lunchtime meal with Alan sitting right in front of me eating some kind of deep fried fish (called rather unadventurously “small fish” they also have a dish called Great Beans!) whole…. disgusting Perthian git. I had a swim in the Libyan Sea (ruddy cold) while Liz and Eileen went shopping.

At the moment Alan is cooking some kind of interesting meal while the rest of us sit outside listening to the birds and not feeling guilty.

Having just broken an expensive Tuscan ornament in our room I have decided to agree with everyone in any argument started by Alan and become an Etruscan nun. Alan is cooking tonight’s meal so I’ll be watching very carefully for any foreign chemical objects on my plate.

Thursday, 6th May 2010 Athens

Well that was fun
Up at the crack of dawn. Breakfast at The Hilton which was cold and absolutely rubbish. First to arrive at Rome airport in the hope that there was a place on the morning flight.
The riots have stopped because of the three deaths of bank personnel caused by a fire started by a rioter.

Unbelievable screw-ups. We were at check-in 285 as listed on the board… unfortunately they were checking folk in at 175... first in line there as well.

Told there were seats and to go to the ticket office. They said there were no seats. Back to check-in, where they said there were…. and back to ticket office where the ticket girl started to cry (this could have been caused by my slightly hysterical raised voice). The supervisor phoned and said to go to check-in immediately as there were seats. We did. The check-in girl put the suitcases on the conveyor belt and gave us boarding passes for…… the evening 9 o’clock flight. She then told us there were no seats left. Liz started to cry.

Back to ticket office. Girl phoned again and told us to go back immediately. This time got the check-in supervisor. Boarding passes given and we finally got on the plane one hour late. We were first in line in the morning and last on the plane. Plane took off with at least 10 empty seats that we could see!

Pleasant 1 hour 45 minute flight. Greece is an hour ahead of Italy for those few who are interested.

Down to collect our bags. Waited until the conveyor belt stopped half an hour later and we were the last folk there.

Aaargh…..

I started to cry!!!!

Bugger Athens. We’ve managed to get on a night flight straight to Crete sans suitcases arriving at 11.00pm. Eileen and Alan will met us at Chania tonight.

We’re sitting in The Sofitel Artemis Bar at this moment (5.00pm). Liz has bought some lipstick and toothpaste as everything else is residing .…..probably …. in Norway which was the flight being checked in at the same time as us.

I’ve got a theory that all these so-called ruins aren’t actually ruins. They were built like that right from the beginning. Edinburgh’s Disgrace isn’t unfinished at all: it’s a direct copy of the finished Acropolis as it was supposed to be… and the Greeks have been laughing at the world ever since.

At the moment sitting in The Olive Tree at Athens airport. Fabulous view of the hills and watching aircraft taking off every two minutes or so. Had our first Greek meal of meatballs for me and salmon for Liz (mummy).

Quelle twerp

With absolute brilliance we managed to arrive at the airport this morning only to find that Greece is on strike.

Here at the Rome Airport Hilton we are bored out of our skulls.

Probably won't get a flight tomorrow morning and will have to wait until 9.00 at night for the next one.

Will stay at Athens airport hotel then onward to Crete.

Rats

Roma

Rome is a large city in Italy a very long way from Brisbane. The people here speak foreign. They also don't spell it proper.

They have ridiculously small spiders

So far we've had one pizza, one spaghetti and one minestrone soup. Today we had spag, minestrone, a beer and a coffee. That cost 25 oro. Yesterday we had the pizza, a coffee and a half litre of house wine. That costed 55 ora.

At this rate we'll run out of euro's by next Friday.

We are now (at 16.24) going to have a bottle of 6 oro wine.

Tomorrow Liz will be eating octopus in Athens.

I will be in Belgium!

Hong Kong

Nine hours later and here we are. Just had a burger king (hungry jacks) and now feel sick.

That one is at Brisbane airport. Decided not to post the ones here as we look knackered.

Off - sort of

In an hour we're off to the airport. Slight worry about the managers as the brekies were a disaster: probably due more to my being rubbish at delegating these days.

27 hours of flying: yip bluddy ee.