The Tortoise and The Hare

This morning in Dijon after a breakfast of Croque Monsieur (cheese toast with ham and mustard to you heathens), as against Croque Madame which includes eggs and possibly saussice (I think it's french for sausage but it could be octopus, snails or ruddy squid) for some reason (does this mean that French think that women eat more than men? There is your anthropological question for the day folks.)

After breakfast we decided to split up. Liz likes going slowly and looking at shops whilst I prefer charging about to see museums and art galleries and pubs and archaeological sites and pubs and divers other things like pubs so I can get in as much culture in as possible.

We re-engaged after about 4 hours and I immediately started whinging about how most of the museums were closed. How I'd managed to find a botanical gardens... closed... three museums... closed... saw a couple of weddings, charged down to the della Republique to see the museum... not really closed but the tour was up a 45 metre tower so it might as well have been closed because, as far as I'm concerned (anything above two metres above ground level is.... closed). I probably walked about 10km and saw buggerall apart from closed buildings and Notre Dam where I was charged 2 euro's to get in by a beggar. This particular beggar turned up 100 metres away at a wc where he was also charging 1 euro to get into the WC..... I have a feeling that either I was screwed or he had a twin brother working the bogs.

Liz on the other hand walked about 300 metres: saw lots of shops, two major museums, was bought lunch by a rich Frenchman, posted three postcards, booked the TGV tickets to Paris and was back in the hotel with a big grin on her face while I was collapsed on the bed completely knackered.

I had the camera because I thought I'd be the one to get the interesting pictures.

Here's an interesting picture of us paying 37 euro's (about 70 dollars) to get our clothes washed and ironed and hung up on wire coathangers (including socks, underpants, bras and pyjamas).


Tomorrow I'm going to sit and sulk and not speak to anyone unless they talk about deja vu.

Nearly forgot: Ian and I are going to talk about size and comparative sizes!

Lake Como and Switzerland

Lake Como 9 euro's from Varenna to Como best deal ever. Boat passed George Clooney's  house... funnniest thing I've seen for a long time. The folk on the boat got so excited... at a house? What am I missing?

Fondue in Lucerne. Temp 7 degrees.

Brrrrrrrrr.... to heck with that for a game of soldiers off to 24 degrees Dijon for a couple of nights.. wahey...then Paris to meet all Liz's cousins.

Off to Varenna on Lake Como

On the way from Venice this morning and not having a clue where we were going we met a couple from San Diego. (Aide memoire: he said he was a reasonably famous playright who we could have heard of: this will be checked out later on and if true I intend boasting about how we met this famous playwright.... etc. etc. ad nauseum). Varenna is a good place they said. So here we are munching on chicken legs and tiramisu after a hard afternoon walking up hills and down dales..... with mum holding on to me like grim death!

Nice as it is; it's extremely refined so probably not the best place for (me at least) to stay for longer than a night. So we'll take a boat to Como and pick up a train to somewhere in Switzerland for the next three days.

This one shows the wonderful birthday present from you mob which I originally thought was unnecessary. It's blooming freezing here at 17 degrees C so thanks daughters.







Oh aye: here's the sossidge rolls.

Athens and Venice

The second but last day in Athens was another good day where we walked around and eventually found ourselves in the New Acropolos Museum where most of the good stuff from the Parthenon is now kept. Must confess that we got really angry again that the Elgin Marbles have still not been given back to where they should be.

As all you jetsetters know some of the time is usually spent doing touristy things like looking at old monuments, old pictures, old buildings and other old things. Most of the time of course is spent eating and drinking local produce and enjoying yourself. I would just like to know that WHY IS IT I’M THE ONE WHO ALWAYS SITS BESIDE PEOPLE EATING OCTOPUS AND OTHER NASTY THINGS? Lunch at the Museum was spent by me being closest to a woman eating a couple of huge tentacles. In the evening I managed to get another one right next to me munching on the body of a massive squid. You Brendon Matthews are going to get one right in the chops as you started all this “covering Iain in sea tentacles“.
Good to get away from Greece though as it really is spoilt by there being far too many sour faced Greeks who obviously hate the world and tourists. Funny that because Crete was completely different (apart from that horrible travel agent woman).

It’s nice to be back in Italy where the people are always smiling and happy and talking….. Oh boy do they ever talk.



VENICE
Venice is a city a lot smaller than Athens….it has lots of water….everywhere….Wherever you go you see one of the most popular tourist attractions which is pigeon feeding. We were standing in front of a large building in San Marco called Dog Palace (Italians like animals) and were surrounded by heaps of people completely ignoring the monuments and taking lots of pictures of flying rats. Odd!
This morning we had the first breakfast in our hotel Palazzo Bembi. Yum yum said I looking forward to our first savoury breakfast for days…STOP PRESS: don’t eat Venetians sausage rolls folks…. They’re full of chocolate. They hotel is excellent and is right beside the Rialto Bridge (Rialto obviously means graffitti) with a view of the Canal Grande and the bridge.
Here’s a picture of a sausage roll

The striped one on the left isn’t a sausage roll…. It's a minced beefburger!



The place we’re staying in is the first pink building on the right at the very top on the left hand side. You have to be fit to stay in these hotels as the floors are at an angle of something like 10 degrees. Getting out of bed in the morning is like a mountaineering expedition without the crampons.
Tomorrow we’re leaving Venice and going somewhere else but not sure where. We’ve got 4 days before we meet up with Liz’s cousins Beatrice and Charles in Paris and she’s really quite excited about that for some reason! We may go there via Switzerland or by France (leave it to me and we‘d get there via Finland). A lot of time in Paris will be taken with all the cousin’s nattering on about “old times” (or “old old old old old times” as you lot think of them). The husbands (Ian and Iain) will probably go to a pub so we can compare the size of each others noses and talk about Impressionist art (or carburettors)! (If you’re reading this Ian then I should win on number of kinks and broken bits).
Here’s the latest picture of Mum/Liz’s interesting bits.

Steph: I have now used yourexpensive face moisturiser present for the second time this month…it doesn’t work….my skin still looks like a Jayden or Jacob used nappy.

Are we going out for a pizza tonight?
You bet your bottom we are!

Better and Better

Yesterday was a bust because I was in agony with a sore big toe! Had to change hotels because they thought that Mum/Liz was probably a hooligan with the two black eyes and gammy leg..

I’d carefully checked the best places to go for a meal in Greece. Downloaded all sorts of crap and printed it out. …GO TO THE VYZANTINO RESTAURANT said the recommendation. We sauntered up the Adrianou anjd came to the recommended street. Mum can’t see very well for some reason so it was up to me. “Canny see the Vyzantino but it says it’s opposite a place which sells the Glasgow Herald so this must be the place. We stayed and had a meal...not bad, not brilliant and the meatballs were a bit crappy. Left a tip of 2 euros which is around 3 dollars….. Walked along the road about 100 metres which said VYZANTINO RESTAURANT in big letters which even Stephanie couldn’t ignore.

We’re going there tonight as long as I can work out the direction from that expensive Fur place which mum hates.

Because of mum’s injuries and weakness we didn’t actually expect to go to the Acropolis (hill) or the Parthenon because divers people said it was hard work with lots of steps.

You would not believe the people we've met who said it was really tough and you have to be really fit to get there (most of them have only 2 stitches: what a lot of pathetic wimps).

What a load of crap. We did it in about 20 minutes from bottom to top. Liz/mum now thinks she’s as fit as Danny and is now preparing for a tilt at Everest. Remember the comeback you did at the Queensland Nationals Danny? Mum beat you hands down! She walked up the Acropolis 5 days after being attacked by Santorini goblins.

The big question is:

HOW COME WE WERE ONLY GOING TO STAY FOR ONE NIGHT IN ATHENS (because everyone said it was crap) AND HAVE ENDED UP STAYING FOR 6 NIGHTS? It’s actually a good city as long as you stay in “The Plaka” and spend lots of dosh buying genuine Athenian shields.
Off for another meal and hopefully we’ll get to the restaurant rather than another museum! I'm looking for a T-shirt which was recommended to me. It had something to do with Oedipus but was all in Greek.....( those who have been to Greece will have no problems with that).

Another meals beckons.

Well that was fun!!

Here’s the catch up.

Remember when I previously said that Liz was being looked after at Santorini Hospital? I lied. It is easily the worst experience we’ve ever had - yes even worse than “that one!” Third world country hospitals would be as bad. The team who put the stitches in were good but after that it was downhill all the way. The first nurse who put the drips in was young but reasonably nice…. Unfortunately that doesn’t hold it when the drip made a bit of a mess of mum’s arm… so she tried another place…. Hour later just as bad and out it came again with more blood.
Got a different nurse the next time and this was the nurse from hell. She has to be the most disgusting individual I’ve ever met (even worse than rugby league players). She put a third drip into Liz’s hand this time and obviously wasn’t happy about it. An hour later it came out so off I went to find her. Had to interrupt her nattering to one of the paramedics and she shouted at me and waved her hands about obviously angry. Going into the room and seeing blood all over the covers from her drip she literally ripped the elastoplast off mum’s hand, screwed it up into a ball and threw it onto the ground. She then disconnected the bottle and stormed off. She spent the rest of the 6 hours we were there outside smoking and chatting up the male paramedics. I really really hope she dies of a horrible painful disease. All in all we were in the hospital from 10.00pm until 3.00 the following afternoon: obviously with little sleep.
Managed to get a flight to Athens and got to an excellent private hospital where the staff were great. I still don’t believe the speed the taxi driver went along the motorway from the airport: he got past 180km an hour (I kid you not) and was waving his arms about talking away to us and showing the sights of Athens…..Mum got a CT scan eventually and we found out about 10.00pm that she didn’t have a fractured skull. Waited another hour for the opthamologist who gave the all clear for her sight and we were in the Plaka Hotel by 11.00pm.
This morning she looks heaps better although along with the 14 stitches she has a closed left eye with the other one started to go. She’ll be saving on make-up over the next couple of weeks.
Today we did nothing but sleep and we are going up to the roof terrace of the hotel later on. We’ve decided to stay in Athens for the next day as Mum is still obviously a bit weak. It may not be in the Plaka Hotel as they are fully booked but they have a sister hotel called Hotel Hermes which we’re booked into. The room we have in the Hotel Plaka is brilliant and we have a view directly up the Acropolis to the Parthenon.
Here's a picture of us in Oia around half an hour before the accident when we didn't have a care in the world.

Here’s a picture of Mum enjoying her not being able to see me.

I promise you that you don't want to see the photo's taken in the hospital immediately afterwards. Stuff from a horror fillum.

Thanks for all the phone calls and best wishes: your 236 phone calls in 3 hours Suzanne have to be a record. Mum is still talking about the talk with Owen and Jakey “better grandma” multiplied by forty-one times
The Australian SOS people (Insurance and medical) have been brilliant and have phoned at least half a dozen times. Mum has talked to an Australian doctor who was very concerned and gave some good advice.
I know you’d all be a bit concerned that your old Dad is slightly deaf (hah hah) and unable to look after Mum but I’ve managed to muddle through and order food and wine without problems. Mum has been quite amazing and I take back all the things I said about her being a complaining old git. She didn’t cry once and I will never again complain about her low pain threshold or hypochondria (well not a lot anyway).
All fine now so you can stop worrying.

Just back from a meal where I chatted up a female in a burkha. Mum can't see so all was well because she thought I was chatting up her mother.

All future epistles will be cheery happy ones.

Don't Panic

Don't panic but Mum/Liz has managed to get herself in hospital with 14 stitches.

We're in Santorini and mum is in good hands.

Phone 0421 648 222 because I can't get the calls to work from here.

Walking back from the chairlift at 10.;00pm she fell over a boulder and hit her head on the wall.

Back later