Sitting in San Francisco airport

Here we are in San Francisco and really amused.
Arrived at 2.00pm and are waiting for the next flight for Las Vegas at 7.10pm. The twit of a travel agent didn't work out that there are two other flights 2 and 3 hours sooner: so I've just sent her an email telling her wonderful we think she is. She also managed to book the other 7 flights with seats right at the back of the plane where you feel every single bump of the plane and get to watch all the people with weak bladders charging past us and waiting to get into the bogs.

Last night was the final night with Beatrice and Ian and I'll bet they were happy to see the back of us. They took us to a place called Earls. On entering through the usual Canadian revolving doors we were greeted with the best welcome we've had anywhere in the Americas. Three dolly birds with huge smiles on their faces greeted us all. Didn't work it out until afterwards but it's pretty obvious they caught sight of Beatrice's Hermes scarf and decided we must all be rich.

 

Whistler

This pictue is in Vancouver. It appears that Ian and Beatrice wanted to show us the Roger Bannister statue. We never actually found him but the totem poles in the background were all oddly enough called Roger Bannister.

We are all up here with Beatrice, Ian, Mum and me.

Took just over 2 hours and Ian didn't crash once. Did I tell you about the bears?

They are all down in the Fairmont Whistler Pub while I'm doing the hard work writing this blog. Actually I left them there an hour ago because I was stuffed after today's fun. Oddly enough the adrenalin is still going which is why I'm not asleep.

We've had a funny time in Canada because the ski season has just ended and the summer season hasn't started so most places are closed. I wanted to try skiing again and after my last disastrous attempt 35 years ago wanted the practice slopes. They're all closed because the snow is melting.

While Mum and Beatrice and Ian all went shopping I found an adventure. Canoe 9km then bike back. What a fabulous time. It was advertised as intermediate and is probably easy peasy for buggers like Eric and Danny. The canoe was reasonably stable, ie I wobbled a bit going over the choppy lake but I'm rubbish at balancing. We went through rapids, small waterfalls (2 metres high but so what), ducked under low lying trees and chased two ducks who decided to be our guides.

Two hours for 9km? Doesn't seem much but some of them we were going about 14k an hour (verified by the guide).

Tonight Mum and I went into Whistler Village where we had the most disgusting Fondue ever. Sat at the Amsterdam Bar and people watched until the waitress asked us "how was your meal?" Revolting said Liz. She took it away and came back and said "the Chef tasted it". "Yes?" said Mum; "Chef said it was utterly disgusting and he was taking it off the menu forthwith". Later... Mum had foccacio and I had salad.

These are the weird folk you tend to meet in Whistler.

Calgary and Vancouver

We're at Whistler so a quick precis.

Calgary for 3 nights with Beatrice's (Liz' cousin) daughter Julie and they took us to the Canadian Rockies. Beautiful beautiful area. Lake Louise is usually a lake at this time of year but of course was all snow.

 I had a walk past the lies about thin ice but got stuck in a 2 foot snowdrift. Noone else saw that embarrassment which was good as I looked like a prat trying to scramble my way out.

Mum had a great time looking after Julie and Paul's children then going shopping.

Later they all decided to go onto a "gondola" which is nothing like the ones in Venice. The Venice ones stay round about sea level which is good. The Rocky ones don't which is baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. They go upwards. A lot upwards. Any awfully lot upwards. It looked simple at the beginning so I said that was going to be easy peasy so "I can do that". It started to go waaaay above tree level. Gripping onto the bars on either side didn't help so for the second time in my life I prayed.

Didn't work this time either.... I'm still not a millionare. We got to the top eventually - 8 minutes is a long time when you're near death - so of course Mum and Julie and the sprogs charged off to get even higher: while I cringed against the furthest wall from the windows.

For all you people who are scared of heights; I've found this brilliant way to get around that fear.

That may look like a smile but my teeth are 5mm smaller than when we started.

At the moment we are at the Four Seasons in Whistler which is where the Winter Olympics were held last year.

On the way up Mum saw a bear; 400 metres later Beatrice saw one too. We did a u-turn and went back to see this one and he was only 20 metres away from us. Unfortunately the only film I got was video and black bear was behind trees. I wanted to get out but wasn't allowed to in case it ate us (since found out that it's a load of crap and only one person has been attacked by a bear in recent memory and that was because it was protecting it's cubs.

This is the so-called hot spa in the Rockies (canny remember the place). Hilarious. We all expected a hot spa dug into the mountain or something like that. All these folk probably went back home and told their mates they sat in a hot spa in the rockies.

The Emperor's New Clothes story is alive and well wherever you go.

Calgary

Where were we?
What a fabulous city Toronto is; so much to say about it, so much to see and do.

Right that's enough about Toronto. We are now in Calgary.

Toronto is brilliant: it is close to Niagara Falls for one thing. It's also, I believe, close to Canada but the city fathers got lost and turned it into a big financial centre. It's a weird weird place. We spent more than a day looking for a decent place to have breakfast and walked all the way down to the harbour on Lake Ontario (about 2km) with few shops and no restaurants. Turns out that Toronto is all underground. No really.... there are hundreds of kilometres of walkways and they are all about 20 feet below street level.

I've known Andy for about 11 years but never actually met him in the flesh. He was really the reason we came to Toronto.... and is the reason that we ended up liking the place. Great guy and we really really don't hold it against him that we all went to the Canadian Hockey Museum which must be the most boring museum in the world and well worth the fee to get out.

We had a brilliant meal with him and Rhoda and I'm really really really fed up that I didn't take any photographs there. Camera on the table but we had such a good time that photies were forgotten.
 
Day before we went for a meal in a place called 3 breweries where I managed to leave both my Amex card and my Scottish hat. Needed that is because it was so ruddy cold. Naturally the day we left Toronto the temperature was 16 degrees where it had been 6 for the previous 4 days with lots of rain.
 
Mum just went on to Facebook where Tash was raving about...... wait for it..... how she'd just been to Niagara Falls. Unbelievable.... we were there the day before. It rained all day..... it was 3 degrees Centigrade. The Maid of the Mist boat didn't start until the day after..... and we missed Tash. What is the chances of that.
 
Off to meet Liz's cousin Beatrice's daughter Julie so better go.
 

Elvis Wasn't So Great

In fact he was quite small compared to what seems to be the average size in Memphis.

Have I mentioned the fat people? Some of these folk are not just fat..... these people are huuuuuge. It's the female of the species mainly. The Australian idea seems to be for young girls to get as thin as possible. There is obviously a competition down south ..... major prizes to be won if you can get to 120 kilos before you're 21. We've never seen anything like it but when you see the restaurants in Memphis you begin to understand. The fast food industry has a lot to answer for.

Here's the winner of Miss Memphis Slim 2011.

Had a great day chasing Elvis. Not as tacky as we expected and it was worth the extra 2 dollars to go as VIPs.

Tomorrow Toronto where on Wednesday we'll meet a Scottish friend of mine whom I've never met in person. It's 7 degrees celcius and the silly bugger is talking about a barbecue. He says he's rubbish at BBQs and wants me to look after it. Heh heh heh heh heh heh.

Mum in front of some dead person.

Memphis, Tennessee - this one goes into the annals

Here we are at last. Home of Elvii. Took a bit of doing though.

With typical brilliance we've arrived when there is a major music festival starting. You may think this is a good thing....... but it's ruddy well not. Most hotels booked out so I went with Trip Adviser and booked a Best Western, Olive Branch which said it was close to Graceland.

Oh no it's bloody well not.

Cost us $50 for a taxi. The buildings got less and less and less and less until... literally standing all on its lonesome with nothing but a garage in sight was our wonderful motel. Liz was almost in tears. Walked in at 1.00pm and they telt us that checkin wasn't until 3.00. Stow that for a game of soldiers. I cancelled. Cost us $90 to do so. Waited for around 30 minutes for a cab which eventually came. $80 to get back to Downtown Memphis. God how rubbish was that. The hotel is a bog standard 3 star so checking in was a bit depressing. Joy oh joy the room is excellent.

Beale Street is famous. Nuff said. Cop cars and massive big fat poleece everywhere. An hour was enough and we ended up at some famous restaurant called The Majestic. The other punters were brilliant and joking all round when they discovered we were Scottish.

Tomorrow it's Elvis and we've got the VIP tour. Liz is ecstatic.

God help me; I'm just along for the ride.

San Francisco the 3rd

Can't remember where i left off but I think it was Yosemite.

Picked up at 6.15am from the Nikko for a 7.15am start from Fishermen's Wharf. As usual there was the "One" who turned up 10 minutes late. I glared at her but she was too busy drinking coffee.... all Americans drink coffee..... everywhere.

We were first in line this time and got the best seats which are the ones right at the front. The driver was a laconic chappy from Noo Jersey who made many cryptic comments about the previous day's driver. He only talked when necessary and had some good stories.

It's all very touristy of course with paths, restaurants, signposts etc. etc. so of course no self respecting bear would go anywhere near these places. I decided to go in the opposite direction to the recommended one. It was brilliant. I climbed up through rocks and forest and found heaps of caves where there should have been a bear. I actually sat for about half an hour without making a sound in the hope that a bear would pop up singing about the last time he did a number 2 in the woods and no-one was there...... sigh.

Back at 9.30pm and decided not to go out on the town so went to bed early.

tomorrow we're off to Alcatraz so have a lie in until 11.00am.