Hong Kong rain rain rain rain

Well this is a brilliant ending to the hols.

It's poured and poured and poured and poured so apart from me going to the History Museum and Mum going to the shops we've done nothing but sleep and eat and eat and sleep. We did go to Mong Kok but didn't stay long because of the rain. Hopefully we can get to Stanley tomorrow but it doesn't look good as we can hardly even see across the harbour to Hong Kong island.

The suite we have in the Nikko Club is amazing and includes the most ridiculous toilet we've ever seen. Heated seat with these extras:

See you all soon.

Florence to Rome

We’re sitting on the plane from Rome to Hong Kong (listening to Matthews Southern Comfort “Woodstock”: Mum has gone shopping) writing this blog which is completely mind blowing - ask Brendon about this song.


Florence was the usual brilliant experience with extra bits! Noticing that there were all sorts of temporary things being erected in piazza della Signora (you know the one where all the 1,500 year old statues are and you’re not allowed to sit on them for some reason). Turned out that the ballet Don Quixote was being held that evening at 9.00. It was absolutely wonderful and we went to bed in a haze: well me normal but Mum alcohol free.

Rome for two nights with a pizza in our favourite restaurant followed by meeting Prue our second favourite athlete. Lovely couple of hours and we got to bed at around 11.30.

I will always remember the last full day we had in Rome! Prue had recommended we go to (vialle/cassa/della/whatever) Borghese so we did.

I suggested to Liz/Mum that we hire a four wheel bike. These bikes are amazing things. They sound like a milk van and everything rattles - hang on: the plane is bumping about like mad and I’m spending all my time correcting mistakes. OK: fine. The one we got was electrically assisted which means you can actually got to a top speed of around 6 kilometres an hour. It has two steering wheels and two lots of pedals. The brake is a metal stick on the steering on the driver’s side … Me…. would you trust anyone else?

We took off from the hire place doing about 2km an hour. Mum/Liz was absolutely terrified and screamed at me to slow down. After about 300 metres and 10 minutes later I decided to go offroad and take the speed up to 4km an hour. By this time mum was nearly crying with fear so I had to stop while a discussion was made about why old cripples, tortoises and 8 year olds were overtaking us on both sides.

We did have a good hour on the tandem thing and saw all the turtles and huge fish in the Lago Borghese along with lots of icecream shops. It was even more interesting because wherever I decided to go Mum was frantically turning her steering wheel all over the shop to go in the direction she wanted rather than the one I was going in, ie if I saw a decent opening on the left Mum would frantically turn the steering wheel to the right so I’d just go along with that plan so as not to cause problems. It was great and I personally had a fabulous time.

I have only now told Mum the following fact which is:

“Your steering wheel was disconnected and didn’t actually work”. … It’s now approximately 12 hours since Mum actually talked to me.

Watched Australia beating Serbia where I had most of the Italians and French watching the Oz game rather than the Germany one because I was making so much noise. Close but no cigar eh?

This morning we find that Rudd is no longer! Not sure about this but with a bit of luck common sense will prevail and Queenslanders will get rid of the Blight woman in the same way: I hae ma doots though!

Four nights in a Nikko Club room in Hong Kong.

Anyone got any suggestions where we should “definitely” go in Hong Kong? We’ve done the usual tourist things and would like to go somewhere different. Aberdeen Harbour or whatever.

Also: would anyone particularly like us to get something in Hong Kong? Ie watches, chess sets, Armani suits, Lamborghini copies, Renoir originals?

Arrived in Hong Kong 2 hours ago and although knackered we're up and about so with luck we won't get the jetlag we had last time.

Bandol to Cannes

After two days of searching I finally found a bike hire shop so while Liz went off to get (another) haircut and looked at the shops (good grief) I hired a velo to see if I could find if L’Enclume (scene of the beginning and end of my rock star fame). I found it…at the end of a 2km ride straight up a hill. Last time I was there in 1971 there wasn’t a house to be seen. Now…. New road and pretty well built out. The club where we played for 6 weeks or so is now a huge shopping centre and car park.

Last complete day in Bandol and after the usual weird meal we decided to go and watch one of the soccer matches at a restaurant on the beach front. Cup of tea would be nice says Liz so down we sat. Surly waiter gave us two good pots of water and two teabags. Cost 8 euros or about 10 dollars so I got up and went inside and asked and received another teabag. Down chased the surly waiter and thumped another bill down for two euros ninety cents. You have to be kidding quoth me screwing up the bill and dumping it on the ground. Really unpleasant manager came down and told me to pay. No chance says mister righteousness; you’re a complete crook mate: right says he “get out of my bar you Ecosse” so we did with me gently telling him “I’M CALLING THE POLICIA MATE: YOU CROOKED GIT”. He didn’t look a happy chappy because he really thought I was going to do that (the French HATE the police). He would have been even less happy when he realised that I was laughing like a drain crossing the road. It probably took him a while to realise that we hadn’t even paid him the 8 euros for the original tea let alone the ruddy teabag. Quelle Prat.
Trying to get out of Bandol to Italy was tough as there was a huge flood from Toulon to Nice and a lot of trains were cancelled. We were told that 32 people died in the flood but surely that has to be an exaggeration? Did it make the international papers? Took us most of the day so we decided to stop at…

Cannes for two nights where we pretended to be famous people which is difficult when you look like two rats in a hat. Stayed at probably the best hotel so far and it only cost 130 euros a night: I think it beat the Roxburghe in Edinburgh which costed 430 quid for two nights but Liz doesn’t agree. Quelle surprise! Cannes is a pretty good wee town and we’d have loved to have stayed longer but….onwards and downwards.

Off to Florence again as we’re running out of time. Two nights in Rome where we’re hoping to take Prue out for a meal.

Bandol

Hah hah: well we're in Bandol and have been for the past 3 days.

Rubbish internet and the place we're staying doesn't even seem to have computers.

Terrific fun getting out of Edinburgh. Found Ryanair which advertised fares to Bologna at 60 euros. THAT WILL DO US. Booked online and that 60 turned into 127 each: ok no worries mite. Turned up at the airport and we were told that even although our names were on the computer we needed an actual printed copy of our booking. Unfortunately being tourists we stupidly hadn't taken our 10 kilo Canon printer with us. Ultimate cost is that we had to pay an extra 40 pounds each on top of our initial payment.... ie it cost us 640 Australian dollars to get from Edinburgh to Italy. DO NOT EVER EVER EVER USE RYNAIR.

RIOMAGGIORE

Hah hah hah hah hah. Beat that anywhere in the world. Alison and Brendon eat your heart out. I swam while Liz went to the shops. I then spent the next 48 hours pouring Savlon on all the wounds caused by the rocks while Mum went to the shops. I kicked cats: Mum stroked the disgusting things. Mum bought presents for the anklebiters: I bought bottles of Cinque Terre wines, whisky, and divers things to dull the pain of the wounds caused by swimming.

ITALY TO FRANCE

and Bologna in Italy to Bandol in France? Easy Peasy; as long as you have approximately 16 hours to spare; low blood pressure and have no problems with not eating.

BANDOL IS BRILLIANT and hasn't changed much. The hotel I managed to find is bang on at the Renecros Plage. It has a fabulous view of the bay and a rubbish room with a view to die for.

Stay tuned

Millport and Glasgow and Edinburgh

In Bologna in an hotel which obviously has a disgruntled housemaid. Room fine and only cost 80 euros. Going into the bathroom there is a pile of the following: 4 toothbrushes with paste, 3 razors, 5 shower caps, 4 vanity packs and the usual 6 pieces of soap and shampoo.

Meal with Gordon and Sheila, Ronald and Kathy at an Italian place in Glasgow which was lots of fun of course: picture of us all having lots of fun.

Millport the following day which was brilliant. I cycled everywhere round the island and charged around rocks while Mum went to visit all the shops in Millport…. After 10 minutes having seen them all she went for coffee and sulk (Mum doesn’t see the attractions of Millport).

Here's a picture of what happened to my lovely jersey when we put our clothes into a laundry in Millport.

With extreme guilt we decided to go back to Edinburgh rather than go to my parents again. With all our luggage and stuff it was just too complicated to get back out there. Guilt slightly assuaged because they probably wouldn’t remember that we’d already been there for 3 days.

Edinburgh was full due to some conferences so we ended up staying in a McDonald Roxburghe which is maybe the most expensive place we have EVER stayed in (including the Versace). It was so exclusive that they charged extra for internet, breakfast and sleeping. It had a swimming pool and sauna though (right in the middle of Edinburgh too) so that was fine.

I went to the Zoo while Mum decided to go to the hospital to see what Scottish ones look like. My zoo took 2 hours but Mum decided to see both hospitals and took 7 hours including blood tests. Naturally she was perfectly fine. I kept telling her that and she could have come to the zoo with me and enjoyed getting freezing and not seeing any animals (because there were all hiding because it was too flaming cold) and getting wet and sore from walking up hills and not seeing any animals (apart from millions of penguins) and trying to keep my nose from falling off with frostbite and finding out there are no elephants or giraffes any more… or reptiles… or an aquarium. There is a great Australis exhibition which was lovely and warm so I stayed there for an hour of the two hours.

Glasgow 3rd June

So where were we?

Oh yes: kicked out of the hotel. We found another good one called Ramada something or other. Right across from the Scot Monument on Princes Street. Both a bit under the weather due to weather but after me buying a refined 9 quid jacket with SCOTLAND SCOTLAND SCOTLAND SCOTLAND plastered all over it I am now as warm as toast and ready to take on the world again (well all the 7 stone poofs in Rose Street anyway).

I walked up to Calton Hill, down to Holyrood palace (closed of course), staggeredup to the top of Arthur's Seat (until I crapped out 50 yards from it anyway: photos to prove it) charged around the new Scottish Parliament and then hobbled back up the Royal Mile to the hotel four hours later completely crippled.

I don't care what you think. That's the hill I staggered up. Right up to the top.... well nearly...

Liz/Mum had a bath and laughed like a drain when I returned.

Out for a slap up meal in a classy restaurant in George Street. Chicken something or other for me and Aged beef with extra things for about 10 quid an extra. Mine was terrific but unfortunately I had to eat it by myself as Liz's wasn't cooked proper and arrived an hour later.

I laughed like a drain when that happened.

We did get the 22 pound 50 for her meal deducted so we only had to pay 78 pounds for my chicken... ok I had a beer as well: so what?

Arriving in Glasgow a bit pensive but the temperature was a quite ridiculous 28 degrees. On the way from the bus to our hotel we passed the Care Home where Dad and Mum are now. Dad was sunbathing out the front. Instant recognition of course and after a while I got quite used to being referred to as Jesus while Liz was known as Froggiehead.

Why is it that we keep getting told that my parents are in a bad way? When we visit them we always discover that they're nothing like it? Grandpa has all his faculties and was making jokes about his bad memory. Grandma is a bit out of it but after the 30th time of being asked where our car was it was no trouble to tell her that it had been smashed up by her husband in the last accident. Grandma held a conversation just as well has her eldest son which considering we're both half deaf is no small feat.

10 past 10 at night and it's still broad daylight. God I'd like to show this to the morons in Queensland who vote against daylight saving. The curtains do fade though and I've noticed quite a few cows with sun tans.

Edinburgh, Scotland, The World, The Universe

Just had a bollocking from Charles about not blogging so with extreme guilt we can continue.

What is it with Monday holidays? They’ve followed us around since we left Greece and personally I’m sick of them. Left Sorbonne and managed to get a metro even although there was a strike. What is it with strikes? They’ve followed us about etc etc etc. Plane was due to leave Charles de Gaul at 4.20 so of course due to the strike it didn’t. Luckily we found out about it literally just before we were due to go through customs into the EasyJet waiting room and we all know what we’d find there. Nothing! No toilets, no food, no shops. Heh heh some rugby supporters who’d been drinking found out the “no toilets” to their cost (you aren’t allowed back once you’re through customs) so the bus to the plane was delayed another 10 minutes while….. You know….
22 degrees in Paris which was cool but Edinburgh? Kerriist…. End of May and it’s about 6 degrees. 28 years since we stayed in Edinburgh for any length of time and Liz goes to Ireland! …well it’s called Stranraer but it’s as close to Ireland you can get without falling into the sea.
While Liz/Mum was in Ireland I caught up on museums. Bus to George Street Museum and walked a mile or so because I got off on the wrong stop. CLOSED FOR RENOVATIONS UNTIL 2011. No worries mate… Chambers Street Museum here I come. 20 minute walk wahey…they seem to have put up barriers for some reason. CLOSED FOR RENOVATIONS UNTIL 2011. This is one of the largest museums in the British Isles by the way.

So I went to the pub at Greyfriars expecting the dog to have been taken away for renovations.

Liz/Mum still in Ireland so I went to Murrayfield for the final IRB sevens tournament. Brilliant…it was actually open. It was freezing in the stand so I did the following: hid under the oven behind the hamburger café.

Here's a picture of what the discerning man about Edinburgh is wearing for headgear these days.

Today it’s been a brilliant sunny day with not a cloud in the sky. It’s about 3 degrees centigrade and I’ve got proof that Scots are mad. I’ve got film of millions of people sunbathing in Princes Street Gardens. Mum went off to buy buses for you lot while I decided to go and find a sauna. Note: even the hot taps are cold.!

So far the score is: 2 white pudding suppers (me), one baked potato and haggis (mum), 2 Indian meals and three black pudding, potato scone, bacon, sausage and egg breakfasts. Not one pizza has been eaten since we arrived in Edinburgh (because they're utterly awful things and bear no relationship to any pizza made anywhere outside a chippie).

We went to Edinburgh castle today and I'm afraid immediately left because of "tat".

Tomorrow we get kicked out of probably the best hotel we’ve stayed in so I’d better try and find somewhere to stay where it's hot.... probably the sahara desert.