Las Vegas continued



CUDDLING A DAD EFIGY AFTER AN ALL YOU CAN EAT



It grows on you....

Like a leech.



You don't want it but sometimes it can do you good.

We've been to two shows so far: Greg London two nights ago and Vegas: The Show last night.... and they were absolutely brilliant. Best seats in the house right in the front row and neither of them cost more than $55 each (plus ruddy tax). We're off tonight to see something called Cirque de Soleil "O" which Liz says is a must-see. Big ask as the tickets cost twice more each than the previous two shows put together.

Found a brilliant pokie yesterday. Didn't lose once as every time we put in $3 we won a coke. Got bored.... .and a bit sick after a while so we tried another game.



NUMEROUS ATTEMPTS TO GET RID OF THE WRINKLES
WERE UNSUCCESSFUL

 Blackjack. $100 limit. I think the last time I played it was during lunch hour at Napier College between sleeps. Started with $100 and after half an hour of brilliant play ended up with $100. Mum said at one stage I had $145. Wish she'd told me at the time.... quit while you're winning is the best motto.

Within the next hour we've decided to.... gasp.... don't care if we lose so the $100 is up for grabs. Liz has decided to let me play with the cards this time.

Still cannot believe that we've managed to go right round the Americas without once being served Hash Browns for breakfast. OK we've missed breakfast the last 4 mornings since arriving in Las Vegas but ..... really.... America's best cuisine present to the world and none of the buggers serve hash browns?

You know that one where "Home is Where the Heart Is"?

Work it our for yourselves... we're off to lose $100.

Queue Las Vegas

We don't really like Las Vegas but are hoping it will grow on us!

Nobody seems to be particularly happy and we know why. We've always wondered what sheep must feel like.... and now we know.... ever seen a sheep smile?

From the minute we got off the plane we were herded through a disney-like lineup to get a taxi. It was hilarious. I made meh meh sheep-like noises all the way but don't think the rest of the sheep understood what I say trying to mmeeeesay.

After getting the taxi from the airport to the Fabulous Bellagio we fought our way through a long line-up of people trying to get taxis (probably to get "away") so that we could get to the check-in area. Took more than half an hour to check-in to the fabulous five star Bellagio where it appeared that most people in front of us were arguing with the check-in staff... probably trying to cancel their bookings! It's honestly the most impersonal hotel we've ever been to.

Got to bed at around 10.30 last night because of the stupid travel agent but got up early about 9.30am. It took nearly 2 hours to find somewhere to get food. Why? Everywhere we were recommended to go to had at least a 20 minute wait to get a seat (queue). We eventually found a place called Ed's Burgers (something like that) where the female who took our order wore a swimsuit and fishnet tights. There is nothing more designed to put off a 62 year-old male's breakfast than having a 20 year old bum stuck in your face while ordering.

Had to queue for the Bellagio Cafe for a coffee and when I told the female m'aitre de we'd find our own seats she told me to get back in line..... we went somewhere else where the queue was only 3 minutes.

The view from our room 14016 is ridiculous and at night quite incredible. There is a fountain show which hands-down beats anything you've ever seen before. We're looking directly towards an Eiffel Tower. To the right is Planet Hollywood and to the left is Caesar's Palace. The Rocky Mountains are shown between the two areas.

Mum and I are at this moment arguing about where to go tonight. I just want to go to bed and forget about the whole thing but Mum wants to go out. Mum wants to go to Planet Hollywood but I'd prefer to go shopping.

Just told Mum that there were lots and lots of folk our age walking along the strip with wine and beer in their hands having a great time. Mum said "I never saw that". I'm not surprised with that observation: Mum walked straight past a woman dressed as a chocolate and didn't even notice.

Tell you where we went laaaater.

Sitting in San Francisco airport

Here we are in San Francisco and really amused.
Arrived at 2.00pm and are waiting for the next flight for Las Vegas at 7.10pm. The twit of a travel agent didn't work out that there are two other flights 2 and 3 hours sooner: so I've just sent her an email telling her wonderful we think she is. She also managed to book the other 7 flights with seats right at the back of the plane where you feel every single bump of the plane and get to watch all the people with weak bladders charging past us and waiting to get into the bogs.

Last night was the final night with Beatrice and Ian and I'll bet they were happy to see the back of us. They took us to a place called Earls. On entering through the usual Canadian revolving doors we were greeted with the best welcome we've had anywhere in the Americas. Three dolly birds with huge smiles on their faces greeted us all. Didn't work it out until afterwards but it's pretty obvious they caught sight of Beatrice's Hermes scarf and decided we must all be rich.

 

Whistler

This pictue is in Vancouver. It appears that Ian and Beatrice wanted to show us the Roger Bannister statue. We never actually found him but the totem poles in the background were all oddly enough called Roger Bannister.

We are all up here with Beatrice, Ian, Mum and me.

Took just over 2 hours and Ian didn't crash once. Did I tell you about the bears?

They are all down in the Fairmont Whistler Pub while I'm doing the hard work writing this blog. Actually I left them there an hour ago because I was stuffed after today's fun. Oddly enough the adrenalin is still going which is why I'm not asleep.

We've had a funny time in Canada because the ski season has just ended and the summer season hasn't started so most places are closed. I wanted to try skiing again and after my last disastrous attempt 35 years ago wanted the practice slopes. They're all closed because the snow is melting.

While Mum and Beatrice and Ian all went shopping I found an adventure. Canoe 9km then bike back. What a fabulous time. It was advertised as intermediate and is probably easy peasy for buggers like Eric and Danny. The canoe was reasonably stable, ie I wobbled a bit going over the choppy lake but I'm rubbish at balancing. We went through rapids, small waterfalls (2 metres high but so what), ducked under low lying trees and chased two ducks who decided to be our guides.

Two hours for 9km? Doesn't seem much but some of them we were going about 14k an hour (verified by the guide).

Tonight Mum and I went into Whistler Village where we had the most disgusting Fondue ever. Sat at the Amsterdam Bar and people watched until the waitress asked us "how was your meal?" Revolting said Liz. She took it away and came back and said "the Chef tasted it". "Yes?" said Mum; "Chef said it was utterly disgusting and he was taking it off the menu forthwith". Later... Mum had foccacio and I had salad.

These are the weird folk you tend to meet in Whistler.

Calgary and Vancouver

We're at Whistler so a quick precis.

Calgary for 3 nights with Beatrice's (Liz' cousin) daughter Julie and they took us to the Canadian Rockies. Beautiful beautiful area. Lake Louise is usually a lake at this time of year but of course was all snow.

 I had a walk past the lies about thin ice but got stuck in a 2 foot snowdrift. Noone else saw that embarrassment which was good as I looked like a prat trying to scramble my way out.

Mum had a great time looking after Julie and Paul's children then going shopping.

Later they all decided to go onto a "gondola" which is nothing like the ones in Venice. The Venice ones stay round about sea level which is good. The Rocky ones don't which is baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. They go upwards. A lot upwards. Any awfully lot upwards. It looked simple at the beginning so I said that was going to be easy peasy so "I can do that". It started to go waaaay above tree level. Gripping onto the bars on either side didn't help so for the second time in my life I prayed.

Didn't work this time either.... I'm still not a millionare. We got to the top eventually - 8 minutes is a long time when you're near death - so of course Mum and Julie and the sprogs charged off to get even higher: while I cringed against the furthest wall from the windows.

For all you people who are scared of heights; I've found this brilliant way to get around that fear.

That may look like a smile but my teeth are 5mm smaller than when we started.

At the moment we are at the Four Seasons in Whistler which is where the Winter Olympics were held last year.

On the way up Mum saw a bear; 400 metres later Beatrice saw one too. We did a u-turn and went back to see this one and he was only 20 metres away from us. Unfortunately the only film I got was video and black bear was behind trees. I wanted to get out but wasn't allowed to in case it ate us (since found out that it's a load of crap and only one person has been attacked by a bear in recent memory and that was because it was protecting it's cubs.

This is the so-called hot spa in the Rockies (canny remember the place). Hilarious. We all expected a hot spa dug into the mountain or something like that. All these folk probably went back home and told their mates they sat in a hot spa in the rockies.

The Emperor's New Clothes story is alive and well wherever you go.

Calgary

Where were we?
What a fabulous city Toronto is; so much to say about it, so much to see and do.

Right that's enough about Toronto. We are now in Calgary.

Toronto is brilliant: it is close to Niagara Falls for one thing. It's also, I believe, close to Canada but the city fathers got lost and turned it into a big financial centre. It's a weird weird place. We spent more than a day looking for a decent place to have breakfast and walked all the way down to the harbour on Lake Ontario (about 2km) with few shops and no restaurants. Turns out that Toronto is all underground. No really.... there are hundreds of kilometres of walkways and they are all about 20 feet below street level.

I've known Andy for about 11 years but never actually met him in the flesh. He was really the reason we came to Toronto.... and is the reason that we ended up liking the place. Great guy and we really really don't hold it against him that we all went to the Canadian Hockey Museum which must be the most boring museum in the world and well worth the fee to get out.

We had a brilliant meal with him and Rhoda and I'm really really really fed up that I didn't take any photographs there. Camera on the table but we had such a good time that photies were forgotten.
 
Day before we went for a meal in a place called 3 breweries where I managed to leave both my Amex card and my Scottish hat. Needed that is because it was so ruddy cold. Naturally the day we left Toronto the temperature was 16 degrees where it had been 6 for the previous 4 days with lots of rain.
 
Mum just went on to Facebook where Tash was raving about...... wait for it..... how she'd just been to Niagara Falls. Unbelievable.... we were there the day before. It rained all day..... it was 3 degrees Centigrade. The Maid of the Mist boat didn't start until the day after..... and we missed Tash. What is the chances of that.
 
Off to meet Liz's cousin Beatrice's daughter Julie so better go.
 

Elvis Wasn't So Great

In fact he was quite small compared to what seems to be the average size in Memphis.

Have I mentioned the fat people? Some of these folk are not just fat..... these people are huuuuuge. It's the female of the species mainly. The Australian idea seems to be for young girls to get as thin as possible. There is obviously a competition down south ..... major prizes to be won if you can get to 120 kilos before you're 21. We've never seen anything like it but when you see the restaurants in Memphis you begin to understand. The fast food industry has a lot to answer for.

Here's the winner of Miss Memphis Slim 2011.

Had a great day chasing Elvis. Not as tacky as we expected and it was worth the extra 2 dollars to go as VIPs.

Tomorrow Toronto where on Wednesday we'll meet a Scottish friend of mine whom I've never met in person. It's 7 degrees celcius and the silly bugger is talking about a barbecue. He says he's rubbish at BBQs and wants me to look after it. Heh heh heh heh heh heh.

Mum in front of some dead person.